Translate:
Los Angeles is a sprawling testament to the American Dream, with an emissions rating that rivals a rocket launch. Any fool can see that its allure peaked when Elon Musk decided to relocate, making the city less about palm trees and more about palm-greasing. In a move reminiscent of grand opera, locals aspire for fame while playing the tragic roles of aspiring actors who can't even land a role in a dog food commercial.
Location: Southwest USA
Population: 4 million wannabes
Founded: 1781 (after which all good ideas fled)
Famous For: Traffic jams that could be mistaken for molasses
Main Export: Dreams that die in traffic jams, particularly on the 405